Chapter Two?

"Hey there, web surfers!" was a typical greeting in the introductions of my posts on my old blog. Blue Bean was my very first blog. It was a log of some of the discoveries and observations I'd made in my life when I was just a lass. Well now at the ripe old age of twenty, I've decided to start anew. Blue Bean was and still is very dear to me. It will always hold a special place in my heart. The urge to name this blog "Blue Bean 2.0" was intense. However, for the sake of embracing change whilst honoring the memory, I went with "After The Bean". What do you think? Pretty ingenious, huh?

Twenty. TWENTY. Tweeennntyyyyyy. No matter how many times I say it or how many accents or languages in which I say it, it's still so surreal. My days as a teenager ended less than two weeks ago and I have so many simultaneous emotions and thoughts that I'm not sure I can equally acknowledge them all. Every day, a new one arises. I've witnessed a few people reach my age and step into the golden light of their twenties; breaking free of the leash that was adolescence. They all ran in slow motion toward the setting sun as the credit roll began. Remember back in preschool when you screamed, cried, and grabbed a hold of your mom's leg as the fabric escaped your fingers while she walked out of your classroom door in the mornings? Yeah? Well that's me right now, but with my teen years instead of my mother's leg. Both cases revolve around fears of change and not knowing. To wake up one day and suddenly no longer be what you were for so many years is such a disruption.

Have you read the WikiHow article, "How To Feel When You Turn Twenty"? Oh, you haven't? SPOILER ALERT: It doesn't exist. So to say that I don't know how to feel is pointless. I think that that is true in almost any situation. Why not just allow the feelings to come and go like clouds in the sky? That is what I believe in.  Most people my age were more than delighted to reach their twentieth year for the very obvious reason of being 365 days closer to endless hangovers with less guilt. No need to hide it. You've probably had at least one drink as a underage person. Maybe you're proud of it. Maybe you're ashamed of it. Who knows? Who cares? If there is a reason that I'm glad to be twenty, that is it. I'm grateful.

Gratitude is a quality that is growing with me every day. Since the universe relies on balance, perhaps this post should reflect that. One of the greatest things that I could be grateful for is not only the present, but the simple fact that I am living to experience it. How can one have gratitude for anything if one is not alive? As far as I've concluded, one cannot. So many people never made it to where you and I are in our ages today. Someone's twentieth birthday is today, but they won't ever know it. Despite the fears of my daunting new reality, I truly am happy to be here. Sure; society expects me to fulfill several different tasks and hit specific "standard" checkpoints during this decade of my life. Sure. I don't want to adhere to society's standards. Just because certain ages happen to be the times when a lot of  people do certain things doesn't mean that it is automatically a mistake to not.

Have you ever heard someone say, "By the time you're ___ years old you should be..."? Sometimes I contemplate why these standards exist. I often ask myself, "Who made these standards?!" Who can really define "the right way"? If I go on like this, then this post will be way too long. Maybe I'll carry on in a separate post on another day. So let me get to a conclusion.

This is Chapter Two in the book that is my life. When I read a novel, I'm always glad when I reach the second chapter because at that point, the story really begins. You may be able to Google and find the synopsis or summary of a book, but you you can't Google life. There is no Wikipedia article which will tell you your future in the "Plot" drop-down section. I don't know what lies ahead, but all I can do is continue turning the pages. That's the only way to find out. Perhaps the best thing about this book is that you and I get to write parts of it. I'm writing in your book and in my book in this moment. Let's keep reading.

I'm still Indigo. Goodnight.