Can't Stop This Train (sorry, John Mayer)

Happy (very belated) New Year! I've not blogged in a few months due to directing my focus to my other projects. Something has been on my mind for a while now and I feel inclined to write about it.


I believe that everyone spends a lifetime learning who they are and by the time that it's over, they still will not have learned all there is to know about themselves. We are constantly presented with things that teach us something new about ourselves or explain something we previously were unsure of within ourselves; be it a person, a situation, a thought, or something else. We'll never get to a point where we know ourselves completely. That's how complex we are. Give yourself a moment to take that in.

Some things are quickly learned, some take years to discover, and others you'll never fully understand. Life's that way. Not everything is understood or known. Early in my childhood, I discovered that I absolutely abhor mayonnaise and I refuse to eat anything that contains it, has come into contact with it, or is questionable to me. I won't touch the stuff. I'm twenty years old now and that has not changed. That is one of the quickly learned traits of myself. It was simple. I tried it, I hated it, and now I know. There isn't any further learning to do there.

On the other hand, there are more complex things that I've discovered over the years and keep reaching new levels of understanding in. These are the ones that can be frustrating because just when I think I completely get it, something comes along to shake things up and show me that I've got it all wrong or that I'm not there yet. Despite the frustration, the journey is one that I wouldn't trade. The journey to understanding these things is what makes us who we are. Experiences shape us.

If one day I stumbled upon some magical source that could tell me everything that I don't already know about myself, I would run the other way. I wrote about this in a previous post. Mystery makes life what it is. If we knew it all, then what would be the purpose of anything?

That being said, I would love to understand these things about myself, but I'm in no race to get there.  Who know's how long it will last? I could end up understanding it all next month or it may not come to me until I'm an old lady in a rocking chair on my porch knitting a sweater for my cat. No matter how long this journey lasts, I cannot abandon it. I must ride it out. I have no choice but to continue on, so I'm choosing to enjoy it. I'm embracing it. It's like I'm on a train and at every stop, I collect a puzzle piece. Lately, I've been picking up pieces of this puzzle and I'm beginning to see what the picture is.

I don't know what you're experiencing or what you're in the process of learning, but I will suggest practicing optimism in your journey. You might be at a stop for a while, but when the day is done there, you have to get back on that train. It won't leave without you and your puzzle piece is your pass to get on. It won't move unless you have your pass. Maybe you can see the next stop right up ahead. Or perhaps the next stop isn't for miles and miles. Don't worry. Just enjoy the ride.

-Indigo

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